Home
by Crystal Renee
Summary: This is written to the Staind song 'Home'. Kenshin's longing to come home but fear after he broke his oath for Kaoru, their feelings on his departure, and will there be a reunion?


Disclaimer: No peoples, I don't own this song and I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. But by God I wish I did. That would be so nice.  
  
Author's Notes: I placed this song on my story 'Coming of the Dawn' and I decided that I wanted to write a songfic with it because it reminded me so much of Kenshin and Kaoru that it was scary. It's off of the Staind CD 'Dysfunction'. It's a really good song. Words in **'_'** are parts of the song.  
  
"Home"  
  
**'I force myself through another day  
  
Can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything  
  
Right in my face'**  
  
Kenshin held his hands together in shame as he walked away from the Kamiya dojo. Away from Yahiko, away from Sano. Away from his life. Away from Kaoru.  
  
"Kaoru." Kenshin said to himself, wringing his hands around his sword. "I'm sorry Kaoru."  
  
**'And I try to be the one  
  
I can't accept this all because of you  
  
I've had to walk away  
  
From everything'**  
  
Kenshin tripped in the rain, landing face first into a puddle. He didn't try to move. He knew he didn't even deserve to be alive at that very moment in time. If only they hadn't shown up at the dojo on that day. If only he hadn't been so hasty to protect the one he loved. Then maybe he could still be home.  
  
**'I'm afraid to be alone'**  
  
Kaoru cried inwardly as she leaned against the wall of the dojo, crying in the rain. She held her head low, as if knowing Kenshin was torturing himself over something he had no control over. She felt so horrible. If only she could have been more careful. then maybe he wouldn't have left.  
  
But she didn't remember that he was still alive. She hadn't known. If she had, none of this would have happened. If she would have been quicker to explain everything, then maybe Kenshin would still be there.  
  
"Kenshin." Kaoru thought, drawing her knees up to her chest. "I'm afraid. I don't want to be alone."  
  
**'Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone  
  
I'm afraid to come back home'**  
  
Kenshin did everything in his power to convince himself that what happened didn't matter, but inside, he knew it did. Kaoru had been engaged in an arranged marriage before her father died. She had thought the man was dead. He came for her.  
  
After Kenshin had proposed and Kaoru had accepted.  
  
He tried to take Kaoru back.  
  
"Koshii. don't leave me. I may come back for you. I'm just afraid. don't deserve to come back home. I don't deserve you. but I don't want to know you cry." Kenshin whispered into the rain.  
  
**'Another sleepless night again  
  
Hotel rooms my only friend  
  
And friends like that just don't add up'**  
  
He rolled over on his futon, cursing himself for allowing himself such a luxury after what he had done. It had been a week; he was now staying in an Inn. He stared at the walls and never left the room, only eating what spare rations he had picked up before he left the dojo, and left his life behind.  
  
He was lonely. He missed everyone. Most of all he missed Kaoru. But he couldn't go back to her. Not only was he too stained before and was already taking a chance by confessing his love, but he had added onto his sins that day.  
  
All because he was jealous and didn't want anyone to take or harm his Kaoru.  
  
**'To anything  
  
And I try so hard to be everything  
  
That I should never take away from you again'**  
  
Kaoru leaned against the wall of the dojo again, the rain still falling as it had ever since Kenshin had left.  
  
Her thoughts were swimming in her mind, and she began to wonder if this could have been prevented. She nodded. Yes, it could have. If she had been stronger, she could have beaten the man off and Kenshin wouldn't have had to break his vow. She took away everything because she hadn't been strong enough.  
  
If she had never met him, maybe his life would have been better, she thought to herself.  
  
Kaoru was sorry for Kenshin. But she cried for herself, too. She just couldn't go on without him.  
  
**'Cause I heard ya say  
  
I'm afraid to be alone  
  
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone  
  
I'm afraid to come back home'**  
  
He walked back down the trail he had taken before, to get where he was. Kenshin knew of Kaoru's fear of being alone. He was afraid that she would leave him, thinking he'd never come home. He knew he didn't deserve too.  
  
He knew he deserve her. Would she push him away upon realizing that he didn't deserve her or to come back to the place he now called home? He was afraid he'd lose her.  
  
And inwardly, he was afraid to be alone, also.  
  
**'I cannot forget  
  
I live with regret  
  
I cannot forget  
  
I live with... '**  
  
Kenshin stopped. He regretted what he had done. All it had taken was seeing that man touch Kaoru in a way he shouldn't, even after she had explained she was already engaged. All it had taken was him threatening her and pulling her away. Kenshin was so determined to keep her and the Battousai was jealous.  
  
So together they had melded, and in one swift twist of his blade, it had gone from blunt to sharp, and sliced through the thing that stood between him and his life.  
  
And in the end, it took all away from him anyway.  
  
He had before decided that he was too stained for Kaoru, and he knew he lived with the regret of all those he had slain during the war as the Hitokiri Battousai. that had always been his regret. and again he had slain, breaking his oath, and breaking the hearts of all those he held close.  
  
**'I'll live through this  
  
I can't see through this  
  
I can't do this anymore'**  
  
He rounded the corner in the rain, his hair sticking to his face as he looked at the dojo. He saw Kaoru leaning against the wall much like she had when he had left. He wondered if she had moved at all.  
  
**'I'm afraid to be alone  
  
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone  
  
I'm afraid to come back home'**  
  
Kaoru lifted her head and her fear of being alone subsided. She saw him. He was looking at her, and she could sense that he was worried about her. Just like him.  
  
She stood up and slowly closed the space in between them. She took him into her arms, whispering her love.  
  
"I don't care what happened, you're still Kenshin." She muttered to him. "You're not too stained for me. you protected me."  
  
Kenshin reluctantly let his arms wrap around his love, his lifeline.  
  
"Kenshin. come home." Kaoru pleaded.  
  
"I wish I could."he told her.  
  
"You can."  
  
"But."  
  
"Kenshin. please. I don't want to be alone."  
  
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone  
  
I just wish I was back home  
  
Home  
  
Author's notes: Yeah, not much of an ending, but what did you guys think? Tell me the truth, please!!! I think it turned out okay, I just knew this song was perfect for them.  
  
Luv,  
  
Crystal Renee 


End file.
